Trauma, Hope, Healing

Disclaimer:

I am no expert, all I can speak about are my experiences, my insights and my coping mechanisms. I’m sharing what I have found helpful along my own healing journey. I hope you can take something from this, even if it's only something small. So here goes.

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

Time

In life, we encounter many different situations and experiences, some happy, some sad and then some traumatic. When we experience something negative I believe we need time to heal ourselves. Sure, we can heal from the minor negative experiences quickly. The deeper and more traumatic experiences need to be given a proportionate amount of time of healing to the severity of the trauma.

So I'm sure the saying “Time is a healer” has been heard many times, but I have my own take on this and it's something that I have come to learn on my healing journey. I believe that just letting time pass and you will heal, is not the true meaning of that familiar saying. I believe that time alone does not heal, you must spend the time doing the things that are in line with your recovery, which at times can be very difficult. The level of difficulty does depend on the individual as we are all different, we all have our own coping mechanisms and life experiences that make us who we are.

Accountability

I also believe to heal we need to be real, honest and accountable, to ourselves and for ourselves. If we are in pain, we need to be real enough to see it, honest enough to accept it and accountable enough to change it. And accountability is very key, because when we are in pain sometimes we can not see how we came to this point. but once we are accountable for our actions and accountable for what we allow to happen to us, we can then make the change in ourselves to ensure we do not experience the same pain again.

But there are some of us in this world that have never been taught or given the tools to deal with sadness, depression, anxiety, low self esteem, low self worth and many negative emotions. Some do not have the ability to just let go. Childhood trauma and bad parenting can lead to issues in regulating and understanding one's emotions.

Forgiveness

When I started my healing journey I was told about healing, about forgiving yourself and self love. These terms seemed to be very empty, because I didn't look deeper into what these words meant, I was confused. I thought “Of course I forgive myself and I have love for myself”. But saying and thinking these things was not what is meant, I realised. Now I understand this as putting my emotional, physical and mental well being a priority, before anything else, setting clear and healthy boundaries without guilt or fear of being labelled selfish. Also by understanding the reasons why I never put myself first it actually helped forgive myself. I didn't realise that I was holding onto blame and shame, only when I spent time asking the right questions to myself. There are many other ways and coping mechanisms that I have tried, some have worked and some not. My advice is to find what works for you.

Creativity

I have always been a creative person so I have found any form of creativity helpful, that could be poetry, creating social media posts and other forms of writing have helped

I am still on this journey, I am still learning and if I am honest I do not believe anyone will be completely 100% healed. but i do believe that with the correct work on yourself and using the correct healthy coping mechanisms that work for you, life can be relatively pain free. I do also believe that you can still feel pain and upset when thinking about something you have healed and move on from. But the pain is a reminder of the lessons learned.

There is no set pattern, no set time, no perfect way or scientific formula to how you heal. I have not found this and should anyone find it, please let me know. Everyone's healing is different and what may work for one may not work for another. So do not compare yourself to anyone else.

Written by: Yaya Shah